Chasing the Monsoons

My third trip to the US (post moving back to India), and I am simply saddened by the lack of an environment within which one can feel welcome.

I mean sure, the thank-yous, I really appreciate that, etc. do amount to something, but to me they seem superficial. Maybe it's a cultural thing, and maybe I need to see their point of view. But even still.

I have never felt so lonely in my entire life. Here I am sitting in a hotel room with absolutely nothing to do, and with no one to hang out. This whole country is so big... everything is so far apart, with lots of space.

I saw a movie called Baran. It has been over month since I saw it, but whenever I think of it, it brings tears to my eyes. Now I'm not one to cry often or even get so emotional out of hand, but this movie strikes a chord in me like no other.

The socio-economic aspects in the movie are very well researched and portrayed. The movie is set in 2001 Iran, where there are a lot of Afghani refugees. These refugees work illegally at construction sites to earn bread and butter for their families.

I woke up to a call today morning at around 5:15 am. My father, being the elder in the family, received the call. It was from an uncle (mama) of mine, informing us about the demise of another mama based in Mumbai. This mama had been fighting cancer for almost a year or so, and succumbed to it in the early hours of today morning.

My parents and a couple of uncles left for Mumbai immediately. I desperately wanted to go, but couldn't for various reasons. The first realization that hit me when we got the news was that mama would never read that email I wrote him (but never sent it since I didn't have his email id).

I decided to blog that email, so that it remains with me through the times, and serves as a reminder that it is best to do today what you would have done tomorrow, and do now what you would have done today...

Dear mama,

It was a great pleasure to spend those memorable hours with you a few weeks back. It was nice to hear stories from your heydays. The stories about your life in college, and how you came across various opportunities to work on mega projects were full of wit, and hope about how one could rise above the odds through sheer hard work.

I especially remember the story about you having to visit a place down south, which in those days were inaccessible by anything but buses, and bicycles. You had just arrived all tired at a guest house and the bellboy/waiter had come up to you at around 8:00 in the evening and asked you if you wanted to have dinner, only he used a word that to you implied something else, causing you the blow your lid. Those were good memories. :)

I do hope you remain in such great spirits and get well soon. I shall try and visit again when I come to Mumbai next.

Love,
Bunty

This is the second time this has happened to me... I hope it never does again. Two times is twice too many for me.

I like it how there is a symbolic end to the video, and the song is true to it's word. Rabbi Shergill is now in music my hall of fame.

Sometimes.. things happen which you can't control.. and then there are those things that happen, which you can control but don't want to.. and finally there are those things, which happen because you want to control but don't.

Makes any sense? What do you do when all 3 of the above happen simultaneously?

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
- Jet

Dad and mom just left for Dubai after a 5.5 month break from routine life in Pune. Missing them already, even before they board the flight.